De Historia choscium
The following is a reconstruction of De Historia choscium, a natural history of the creatures (official mascots and unofficial fan creations) of the cohost ecosystem. Originally published on March 31, 2023, it then continued to evolve as a living document, with additional creatures added from time to time when I became aware of them. More importantly, the document served the additional function of documenting (if only incidentally) other recurring bits, memes, and happenings within the cohost community. While not every creature here did severals in their own right, writing about them all provides a way to gently steer the reader toward other in-jokes, and so welcome users into the community.
I felt this was necessary at the time because I had observed a pattern: new users rediscovering certain jokes (or needing references explained), and existing users usually being unable to surface anything helpful because of the deliberate limitations of cohost's search functionality. I was especially dismayed to see people failing to understand Post Hog's embodiment of the site's posting ethos, something that was fundamental to why I returned to the site every day. Sure enough, in the year and a half since its publication, each new wave of users would trigger a fresh round of likes and shares for my bestiary. A few new users were even kind enough to thank me for having made it available.
When learning that cohost would stop receiving new posts in October 2024 and would go dark some unspecified time after that, my first instinct was that I needed to add a handful of candidate creatures that might deepen the document's utility to the community. However, upon further reflection, I decided that De Historia choscium would serve as a happier monument if preserved in its pre-shutdown-announcement state. It was never intended to give a comprehensive documentation of cohost lore (indeed, some of its omissions are glaring), and what is trapped in amber below instead represents a sincere expression of the hopeful living document it was at the start of September 2024.
Throughout, I have changed the links to point to URLs that the various users have reported publicly as their new post-cohost homes, where available. That said, I am happy to change or remove such links, as well as redact usernames for those who prefer to be forgotten, upon request. I have also archived screenshots of the various posts to which this document referred, as a further reminder of the many good times to which the document alludes. It is my hope that you, dear reader, are coming to this in the months and years after the Final Age of Posting came to a close, and that reading this makes you think, "It really was like a website in there."
-Greg Jensen (@belarius), Sept. 17, 2024
cohost. A website. And herein dwell all manner of creatures. Many are friendly. Many are hungry. Some are dangerous. Some few may, I have it on good authority, be milked. 
This guide assembles what is known of these various beasts, so that all may learn from the chosts and rebugs of those who have come before. And of course, as further scholarship is performed, this index of chosting creatures (or "chokédex," if you will) can be revised and expanded. So, without further ado:The Triumvirate of Chosting
eggbug
Original art by: @aidan (Source). Emote set by: @cainoct (Source).
It is, frankly, beyond the powers of any one scribe to document the comings and goings of eggbug. Much has been asserted, many theories proposed. All manner of eggbug discourse awaits the intrepid scholar. We know a few things for as near certainty as we can hope. Eggbug subsists on chosts, and is taxonomically both egg and bug. Nearly all agree that eggbug is free of malice; one might go do far as to call them a supereggbug. These scant facts, however, only raises further questions. And indeed, evidence suggests there may be not one, but many eggbugs. The most conservative lower bound is a minimum of two eggbugs, but others have suggested a minimum population in the hundreds. For now, all and sundry love this eggy little bug :eggbug-classic:. I think we do not yet know the true extent of their power.
tagslug
Original art by: @belarius (Source).
Where eggbug's delight lies in the deliciousness of chosts, tagslug's lies in the thoroughness of their documentation. To this end, their focus is on the world of hashtags beneath the chosts themselves. In this scribe's experience, tagslug is intense, prickly, and unnerving to interact with, a clear contrast to eggbug's easygoing demeanor. While tagslug and eggbug will work together when the situation calls for it, they are not friends. There is, however, disagreement about tagslug's nature. As with eggbug, signs point to the possibility of a multitude of tagslugs. However, tagslugs appear to vary more widely in their morphology and personality. For example, tagslug classic (described below) has been sighted on multiple occasions, and differs substantially enough that they warrant a separate entry. Realistic tagslugs have also been reported.
Post Hog
Original art by: @harveyMilf (Source), vector version by @belarius.
Rounding out the trio is Post Hog. There is no creature in the whole of cohost who is more enthusiastic than Post Hog. It doesn't matter what you've got, Post Hog wants to see it. Big chosts, small chosts, short chosts, long chosts, media chosts or just pure text, all are welcome. With such an enthusiastic attitude, it's no wonder that lots of people are saying, "Post Hog, Thank You!"
The Negachosties
neggbug
Original art by: @DecayWTF (?) (Source), vector version by @belarius.
There's simply no getting around the fact that this is a negative bug. Rarely seen, neggbug appears to conceal their presence and is likely engaged in active schemes. Whatever neggbug is after, it's bad news, almost by definition. Some have speculated, for chromatic reasons, that olive bug may be a disguise adopted by neggbug when moving about in daylight. If so, this suggests an even greater capacity for deception and disguise. The fearsome but seldom-seen greggbug (see below) may secretly also be one of neggbug's personas, allowing it to pass undetected among eggbeasts.
notslug
Original art by: @belarius (Source), inspired by @aloe's speculations.
Notslug seems to live to be that voice on your shoulder, questioning whether you should even try. Where tagslug is meticulous and intense, notslug is slothful and barely paying attention. Although their feedback is framed in helpful terms, it's offered unprompted and it's hard to shake the feeling that it's only being offered as a flex. Honestly, kind of a bummer to be around. Don't be like notslug.
Pre Dog
Original art by: @belarius (Source).
Pre Dog is a timid and unassuming fellow, a nervous pup who hasn't chosted much (maybe they haven't chosted at all) and has a lot of anxiety about pressing that "post now" button. It's too bad, because Pre Dog has a lot of offer, and you'd really enjoy what they have to say. Happily, despite being spiritual opposites, Pre Dog and Post Hog are friends. Neither really understands how the other can live the way they do, but Post Hog supports and encourages Pre Dog, and maybe Post Hog should listen to Pre Dog's concerns a little more.
Friends At The Chable
anonbug
eggbun
Original art by: @aidan (Source), as reported by @SnepShark.
Several different eggbuns have been observed gently living their lives throughout the chosting ecosystem, but little is known about them. We may presume, based on this, that they are a shy and unassuming species, living in burrows and not making trouble for anyone.
tagslug classic
Original art by: @Saltbearer (Source), vector version by @belarius.
Could eggbug and tagslug ever be friends? This fine fellow seems to think so. Are they a cousin to the pricklier lime tagslug? Do their grace our chosts from across the multiverse, hailing from another timeline? Or are they the tagslug of the past, here to warn against a growing risk of a villain arc?
ladybug
Original art by: @bethposting (Source), vector version by @belarius.
Ladybug and eggbug are dating! I'm sure of it, I've seen them sitting around a tiny table eating an adorable pizza together. Their ship name is leggybug. Let's watch, I'm sure they're about to start eating the same slice of pizza from both ends.
job bull
Original art by: @belarius (Source), based on a sighting by @EarthShaker.
A rare and powerful beast, job bull plays a largely hidden role unlocking cohost's doors with heavy, elaborate keys. In ancient times, analog chosting depended on these powerful beasts, and it's possible that job bull themselves is an immortal survivor of that bygone era. Whatever their one-time glories, the job it is doing today has come to dominate this bull's whole identity, a source of evident resentment. So, we might conclude that they believe that (bull is job) is bull. However, one could make the case that job bull is a cautionary tale about the perils of poor work-life balance. So, one *might* go so far as to argue that ((bull is job) is bull) is job.
olive bug
Original art by: @jkap (Source), vector version by @belarius.
Briefly, allegations swirled that cohost had become a wholly owned subsidiary of The Olive Garden. Since then, various corrections and clarifications have been issued, and no further promises have been made. However, they say olive oil runs thicker than water, so if we were all briefly family, can that status ever be revoked? For their part, olive bug appears to be a friendly sort, with a smiling face happily swiveling inside their oily exoskeleton. It's hard to credit any ill will to olive bug. But rumors persist that promises were made, that one could get unlimited bugsticks from somewhere. Olive bug has never been entirely able to shake those rumors, despite being too slippery to pin down.
EggBlue
Original art by: @wobblegong (Source), vector version by @belarius.
At a glance, EggBlue appears to be a particularly serene, betumbled eggbug variant, but careful analysis reveals important morphological differences. Rather than conforming to eggbug's superellipse body plan, EggBlue instead sports an exoskeleton (or shell?) that follows the curvature of a pure ellipse. This has deep implications, as it tells us that EggBlue is Built Different. Suggestions range from an outer shell consisting of denim (a "jeggbug", if you will) to the more shocking possibility that EggBlue may in fact be more egg than bug. In a more recent development, EggBlue appears to have devoted themselves to the electric arc, undoubtedly becoming more powerful and quite possibly also becoming more dangerous. Fortunately, they appear to be no less friendly.
pretendo eggbug
Original art by: @itsonlythee (Source), working as part of the @hell-labs team for the #gif plays pkmn project.
Parallel to our universe of chosting is another, blockier world that can only be witnessed through the narrow lens of the Pretendo. In that strange land, there are also eggbugs, and they have there been blessed with the mightiest of all numbers, No. 152. Some pretendo eggbugs have, through a means unknown, made their way into our more familiar territory, taxicab-moving through our Bézier world. They appear every bit as friendly and hungry as their rounder cousins, but display some important differences. Despite possessing a body of clear corners, pretendo eggbugs are soft to the touch. What lore we can glean through the Pretendo screen seems dubious. The scholars of the other world report 168-inch eggbugs that weigh a mere 6.9 pounds, suggesting their units of measure may differ from ours. Even more disturbingly, they speak of eggbug's mature, "evolved" form being even larger and more imposing. However, no evidence of such a transformation has been observed to date, so perhaps the natural philosophy of their world has yet to shake old superstitions. Nothing to worry about, surely.
eggwug
Original art by: [REDACTED], vector version by @belarius.
THIS IS AN EGGWUG. NOW THERE IS ANOTHER ONE.
THERE ARE TWO OF THEM. THERE ARE TWO ______ .
Potentially Dangerous Chryptids
biblically accurate eggbug
greggbug the eggbeast
Original art by: @aidan, as documented by @theia (Source).
Although eggbug variants have been reported throughout the ages, ancient research suggests that eggbeasts are a distinct species. Their glowing eyes are thought to facilitate navigation in the darkest corners of the server farms where they are most commonly reported. Of these, greggbug stands apart as having an established reputation, but even their motivations remain murky. Are greggbug and their fellow eggbeasts malicious actors, or are they an unsavory but necessary component of the chosting ecosystem?
fractalegbug
Original art by: @npaige (Source), vector version by @belarius.
One of the major debates among scholars of eggbug is eggbug leg discourse. Very strong arguments have been made that eggbug has four, six, or even zero legs. Still others have proposed more heterodox estimates, and the scope of this debate is dizzying even for the most intrepid scholar. In a way, fractalegbug ensures that no clear answer can ever be reached. On the one hand, it seems for all the world to be *an eggbug*, being indistinguishable from everyone's favorite Little Guy in all major morphological qualities, apart from a fetching checkerboard carapace. On the other, their legs trifurcate extravagantly, seemingly doing so at will. It remains unclear whether fractalegbug has a definite number of extremities, as it could just be holding the tips together real hard to conceal the true extent of its fractal self-similarity. What worries scholars is that other eggbugs are no different, and have merely declined to reveal their true power.
realistic tagslug
charlie
Original art by: @YuushaRuby (Source).
Charlie seems friendly enough at a distance, despite being a bear, but don't be fooled. This is no mere ursine, but rather a ruthless highwayman. Prepare to part ways with your food and provisions.
farggbug
Original art by: @fwankie (Source) and @belarius (Source), as described by @spookybiscuits.
The world of dreams exerts a powerful influence on cohost. Love Honk was revealed in a dream (listen here). That world gave cohost King's Hand and Tunic Fries. And, one fateful night, noposts.fart was revealed. noposts.fart is a nightmare vision of cohost.org, characterized by the worst habits of bird zone posting sickness. Its mascot was like unto an eggbug, but with an upside down face. As with eggbugs, we may presume that these bugs are countless in number. Little is known about this dark universe, but the risk remains: What if they mean the good chosters of the waking world harm?
BeggBugg
Original art by: @MLeeLunsford (Source).
Even at a distance, there is no denying BeggBugg's unfaltering spirit. What an absolutely Humungous energy radiates from this sneakered bug! However, it is sensible to proceed with caution. Reports from the field appear to confirm: This is a dangerous creature.
sleipbug
Original art by: @belarius (Source), inspired by @bethposting's revelations.
Fundamentally, sleipbug is a friendly, if distractable, creature. Horselike in some respects, eggbuglike in others, they race through the chosting ecosystem, oblivious and enthusiastic to chat. Sleipbug is especially intrigued by tags on chosts, but races about hither and thither too quickly to take note of the tags on any replies. Perhaps their obliviousness is a blessing, because many find sleipbug unnerving. Perhaps it's the recklessness of their speed, or the curious black mud (or is it?) that they track wherever they go (where is it coming from?). Perhaps it's their compound eyes or their truncated, almost skull-like nose. And then there are the rumors that sleipbug was the product of some unsavory tryst. Could eggbug have been seduced by the Norse god Loki? Or perhaps some other creature of egg and bug made congress with some other being? No one is telling, and sleipbug evidently hasn't any idea themselves, so despite much gossip, the mystery of their origin may be lost to the age of myth.
eggplant
Original art by: @belarius (Source), inspired by @wobblegong's erudite cheeping.
This humble scribe doesn't know what to tell you. An innocent observation about various creatures being indistinguishable from plants, and before you know it, one of these pops up. Little is known about the morphology of eggplant, on account of my unwillingness to grapple with the implications. Yes, it looks like a plant. But what if it doesn't *feel* like a plant? What if it's warm? And has a pulse? To quote Tim Rogers, "What I'm saying is, some things are cursed and they always will be."